The year is 2035. You log into your social media account. The first thing you see is someone sharing an account of their journey as a model over the years. It fills you with joy to see something so positive. But then, you see some troll-like account shaming this person for how they look below their photograph. That disgusts you. You log off of social media before you can hit ‘send’ on that scathing reply you spent 15 minutes typing. Not today, you decide.
Later that day, you are reminded of that random comment. You found the person who posted their photo beautiful and empowering. The person that commented below the same picture didn’t. They chose to sit behind the curtain of anonymity that the internet provided and called someone ‘wrinkly and ugly.’ That doesn’t sit right with you. You think - ‘that person’s concept of beauty must be something else entirely.’ Hmm, is it really that, though? ‘Oh! Or that maybe, they’re just a very rude and sad person hating others online.’ There. That makes more sense to you. It is the year 2021, and there are still people commenting on others’ bodies. Pathetic.
But this makes you think if someone’s opinion online matters at all. In fact, you might even wonder if society's concept of beauty makes any sense. It begs the question - why do we place so much emphasis on how we look at all? Don’t we exist beyond just our bodies and appearances? Do we exist just to fulfil our, or someone else’s, ideas of beauty? Or is our worth tied to who we are and what we do as individuals? These are some of the questions Patricia A. Fleming’s poem I Still Matter bring forth in my mind.
Throughout her poem, Pat talks about how age has brought many changes to her body and appearance. She is no longer a charming and youthful woman because time has revealed wear and tear on her body. She doesn’t sugarcoat the experience of growing old; there are hardships because her limbs don’t move like they used to, she feels aches and pains and she has lost her energy. She acknowledges all this and then goes on to say that despite this she is still herself. She is still beautiful and kind and wiser with age and nothing will ever take that away from her. She writes - “I'm still the same old me.”
One’s existence exists beyond the finite and tangible aspects only. While it’s perfectly okay for people to feel pride in their appearance, I do not believe that that is all that defines who we are and adds value to our existence. Because I believe that our worth goes beyond our looks. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of looking good because who defines ‘good’ anyway? Ageing and other natural processes are inevitable for most, if not all, of us. Does that take away our likes and dislikes, our unique quirks and abilities, our depth of emotion and our ability to view the world differently? No, no it doesn’t. All it does is slow our bodies down and change how we look. That I think we can live with.
This is linked to the concept called Body Neutrality. It encourages one to focus on what our bodies do for us rather than fixating on how we look. It is to come to terms with the changes in our bodies and whatever feelings we feel regarding them wholeheartedly. Anuschka Rees, the author of Beyond Beautiful, opined that body neutrality meant we centre on the idea that our self-worth and happiness are not to be dependent on our body image. We must understand that our body image is just one facet of our identity, which we don’t always need to feel positive about. We can remain neutral about our bodies, as we acknowledge that it doesn’t define everything in our lives.
This of course doesn’t mean someone who expresses love for their body has to be shamed for their approach. It just reminds us that our other qualities are often more telling of who we are.
In a 2019 interview with Glamour, Jameela Jamil, the English actress, radio presenter and activist, described her understanding of body neutrality as - “Imagine just not thinking about your body... You’re just a floating head." Easier said than done for sure, but it is a good example, to begin with.
Pat A. Fleming ends her poem with the lines:
“I’m still here and want so much to live,
And I know that there's no one in this world quite like me,
And no one who has more to give.”
Pat writes that despite growing old and fragile, there is no one like her. Her uniqueness is what makes her. Her value shouldn’t be dismissed just because she is old because she is still capable of sympathy, love, pain, and joy. She is sagacious and willing to achieve peace after forgiveness. This, in my opinion, is what matters most. How we are able to carry on living despite these changes in our bodies and lives is a testament to our resilience and strength. In it, the true beauty of our existence lies. Believing it is what instils faith.
The poem does exactly that - it restores faith in the importance of one’s existence. We are more than *just* our bodies. We are entire universes bursting with energy and capacity beyond measure. To assign value to just what we can see and perceive is very limiting, isn’t it?
You can read her whole poem here.
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